Before Takeoff
Hi,
This is your captain speaking from the flight deck. We are currently delayed for take off as there is slight "technical issue" *cough* the co-pilot is late *cough*.
Our destination today is subject to the availability of fuels on board and the airport that welcomes us. Just some info for We are currently no.15 for departure because the airline forgot to pay the airport tax. Please be reminded that you are not allowed to operate electronic devices throughout the flight. Nope, not even airplane mode. Please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight while I navigate the journey with the Google maps on my ipad 2.
During Flight
HELLO ! I KNOW THE SPEAKERS ARE LITERALLY CREAKING AS I MADE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT WHERE IT SOUNDS SO LOUD THAT IT CAN EVEN WAKES A DEAD MAN UP.
For your info, we are currently cruising at an altitude of... oh never mind.. We are actually on level 16 of Angry Birds. We're still trying to get through this level with 3 stars achievements. Now that we have reached the cruising altitude, we will turn down the cabin lights for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendances. We will be selling snack box for you at the special price of Rm 12 (which only cost RM1.20), so grab yours now ! If you are sitting at the aisle seat, take a good look at your neighbour, because they will be giving you either the cock or the ass in your face when they are going out to the lavatory. So sit back, relax and enjoy the flight while we at the flight deck trying to break the record for Angry Birds.
After Landing
Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at the destination which might or might not be your preferred destination. While we are still taxing at the runway, please unbuckle your seatbelt, switch on your phone, stand and grab your overweight hand-carry luggage in the overhead compartment and rush to the nearest exit, although we wont be opening the door just yet. Please do not leave behind your kid behind as we prefer material possession. Any items left behind will be shared equally by the flight crews. We hope you have enjoyed the flight with us as we certainly do. Till next time if the company has not bankrupt yet, we hope to see you !
Currently reading : Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
I was at McDonalds the other day for lunch, as it was lunch hour the whole place was swarming with anxious and hungry people queuing at the counter, or waiting for that fat kids at the sauce counter trying to pump as much chilli sauce into the tiny platters, before trying to put on as much platters as possible and juggling it on their hands back to his seat. Everyone's body language was very negative, most of the people were folding their arms across their chest, as if trying to put a fence around them and said "Hey dude, I'm just here to get my Big Mac. Don't talk to me or don't even make eye contact with me."
If you're a Facebook user (of course you are, who am I kidding right ?), chances are not too long ago you were screaming to your friends (in facebook, of course) to stop sending you all those apps invites (read: farmville). But now, since I use less and less of facebook and more of twitter, something annoying comes in the form of foursquare.
First of all let me tell you my definition of these terms:
Twitter (read: twitter) : A cool way to tell all your friends (followers) what smart phone you are using by the mean of using the appropriate apps (Twitter for iPhone, Twitter for Blackberry), what you are doing, what you are feeling (please don't), cool cool stuffs that you encounter, or simply telling jokes in 140 words or less.
Foursquare (read: lame) : Show people what a douche you are. Simply LAME.
First of all, I am not your parole officer, so I DON'T CARE whether you just checked in to starbucks or you just become a mayor of the North Pole.
Secondly, don't you think checking-in to your own house is pathetic, dangerous and it's like shouting to everyone pleaserobme.com when you check-in to another place.
Thirdly, everyone is a self-important prick to some degree, but frequent foursquare posts (especially you link foursquare to twitter to facebook) show that you are a shameless self-important prick. A douchebag.
So in conclusion, no one cares where you've been (maybe some stalkers), how often your'e there. You may even spend a lot of time in your local McD, it doesn't make you the mayor of McD, it just makes you fat.
