The L-oh-rama

Before Takeoff

Hi,

This is your captain speaking from the flight deck. We are currently delayed for take off as there is slight "technical issue" *cough* the co-pilot is late *cough*.

Our destination today is subject to the availability of fuels on board and the airport that welcomes us. Just some info for We are currently no.15 for departure because the airline forgot to pay the airport tax. Please be reminded that you are not allowed to operate electronic devices throughout the flight. Nope, not even airplane mode. Please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight while I navigate the journey with the Google maps on my ipad 2.

During Flight

HELLO ! I KNOW THE SPEAKERS ARE LITERALLY CREAKING AS I MADE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT WHERE IT SOUNDS SO LOUD THAT IT CAN EVEN WAKES A DEAD MAN UP.

For your info, we are currently cruising at an altitude of... oh never mind.. We are actually on level 16 of Angry Birds. We're still trying to get through this level with 3 stars achievements. Now that we have reached the cruising altitude, we will turn down the cabin lights for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendances. We will be selling snack box for you at the special price of Rm 12 (which only cost RM1.20), so grab yours now ! If you are sitting at the aisle seat, take a good look at your neighbour, because they will be giving you either the cock or the ass in your face when they are going out to the lavatory. So sit back, relax and enjoy the flight while we at the flight deck trying to break the record for Angry Birds.

After Landing

Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived at the destination which might or might not be your preferred destination. While we are still taxing at the runway, please unbuckle your seatbelt, switch on your phone, stand and grab your overweight hand-carry luggage in the overhead compartment and rush to the nearest exit, although we wont be opening the door just yet. Please do not leave behind your kid behind as we prefer material possession. Any items left behind will be shared equally by the flight crews. We hope you have enjoyed the flight with us as we certainly do. Till next time if the company has not bankrupt yet, we hope to see you !