Sunday, September 13, 2009

Company Policies

One day, I would like to form my own Audio Visual consultant firm, maybe find a few partners (so I don't have to come out with too much capital). I think the name "L-novation Sdn Bhd" or "L-novation private limited" would make a good name. But more than that, I would like my employee to work with me in a team, where the purpose of work is to feel GOOD about life. So, this would be my to-be company office dress code and leave terms.

New Policy: Effective from February 2020

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday...

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic Offender's category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our L-novation Sdn Bhd. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and key frustration form should be directed elsewhere.


Vincent said...


cruel boss
specially toilet part XD

but with such implementations who knows, you might improve company efficiency :D

Gallivanter said...

I've read this before. Nice one! Where can I apply? :-)

Anonymous said...

Dude, if you company needs a worker (i really you do), give me a call :P
haha.. dude, u working these days? where la?

hydé.ben.basiran. said...

i've already made my complaint to socso.

red_devilz88 said...

You do know in regards to your company provision for 'sick days' and 'annual leaves' are in breach of Employment Act 1955, s.60E and s.60F respectively?
=P...seriousness aside...that is some funny policies you have man=P...and it too means business for me^^

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